TRIGGER WARNING: DEPRESSION, SUBSTANCE ABUSE, SEXUAL ASSAULT
I never meant to live past the age of 15. I was sexually assaulted in my elementary years and even after the abuse stopped, I felt the effects in my mental and physical. Not only did I develop an eating disorder that I am still trying to fix today, I was forced to face my inner demons every day alone. I felt consistent guilt and hopelessness, the feeling of falling in a never ending pit. I didn’t want to live with this dirty secret, this taint on my name and my family’s name. I felt disgusting, I stopped doing necessary things a person needs to do in their daily lives to function. My road to coping was never fast or easy and even I sometimes don’t know how it happened. I met some people who took me out of my comfort zone, I learned to speak up and speak out, I did small things once a week to make myself feel good. I finally accepted help in college, which by the way I didn’t think I would make it to, and now I am 22 years old going to grad school to help others who may need guidance such as I did.My advice to others is surround yourself around people, when you secluded yourself you’re forced into your own head and the thoughts you created yourself won’t stop. It’s hard to take the first step but I can tell you it’s worth it.
- ANONYMOUS
I was 14 when I tried my first substance and it progressed to doing a lot more and trying other types of drugs. It was surprising how quickly recreational use turned to abuse and how it changed me as a person, especially through key years of my life. I used substances for fun but then my use ended up becoming a way for me to escape and cope from my problems. It was much easier drinking, smoking, or popping something than confronting the problem itself. One thing no one tells you is that it becomes a loop because the drugs mess with your rationality. I ended up getting suicidal thoughts as well as depression where I could not normally function for days up to a few weeks at a time. In order for me to try to fix that, I would end up doing more, causing me to dig myself even deeper into the hole.
I have hit many rock bottoms but I think one of my worst was when I woke up on a side walk, not really knowing what day it was (I was only 16 years old). I have been lucky enough to break the cycle and recover from my substance abuse. I realized I had to address my internal problems first, then I was able to actually recover. A piece of advice I would give anyone going through this is to get help and seek out good people that can help you in recovery. Do not use substances as a means to make yourself feel better because it'll only get worse later on! It may feel good in the moment, but the long term effects are never worth it. A big part in recovery for me, was reflecting on my thoughts and finding purposefulness in what I do!
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-ANONYMOUS